Last night, I felt the power of jesus within me...

...and it felt rather good.

Last night I had a dream that I was being raped by jesus. I'll spare you the details. But I could swear that his father (who is him) was just standing by, watching in enjoyment. Let's see how this relationship develops.

Miracle Whip. Let's not forget this miracle which provides 100% proof of god's existence. I know that atheists want to: the Little Dutch boy.

I don't know why, but I'm just in the mood to poke fun at atheists today. How they love to forget all the proof we have for the existence of god. Well, how's this story as a little reminder:

Remember the Afriqiyah Airways Flight 771? Sure, you atheists want to forget. I don't blame you. I know stories like this just make you feel stupid. Man's flying machine couldn't handle god's great gravity. But our lord is forgiving. He saved a lovely little Dutch boy, 9-year-old Ruben van Assouw. Not a scratch on him. Just check out the picture below. And god doesn't want little Ruben to be weighed down by past troubles, so he gave the kid a fresh start too. He is so giving. So god allowed the crash to kill Ruben's brother. And mother. And father. In fact, 103 people in all who just weren't needed were cleansed from god's great 6000-year-old earth. Can anyone say miracle? A beautiful, beautiful miracle.

But now I wonder what Ruben van Assouw is up to these days. It's been more than two years since his miracle. I wonder if he needs the company of a priest to comfort him. He must be at least 11 years old now, which is a bit over the hill for me. In this case, I'll make an exception.

Miracle Whip. The lord saved Ruben van Assouw without a scratch on him. Let us not forget god's great power. Let us not forget the Assouw miracle:

Angel dust

Gone Fischering. Bring god back into the schools so we can protect them like only we know how.

Yes, indeed, houses of worship are a safe place for children. Let us into your schools again: we clergy know how to protect children. We know how to protect them real good.

Here is my good friend Fischer explaining it like it is. A massive school shooting can be blamed on the first amendment to the U.S. Consitution (separation of religion) and not the second (right to bear arms):

Words don't come easy. "Child abuse." Gotta love them semantics.

My Dear Priestly Colleagues,

You are no doubt aware of the on-going turbulance in Australia where the government authorities are nosing around our business. They claim that tens of thousands of children may have been abused across the country by religious authorities. Heck, even Australia's president is involved, heathen that she is.

But I write to you urging all to keep a chin up and tight upper lip (if you get my drift). We are fortunate. Very fortunate indeed that we only have to deal with a stupid media. Morans. Easily manipulated morons.

There are lots of stories of "child abuse." We planted that word in their minds. And they bought it hook line and stinker. Sure, they could start throwing out terms such as forced sodimy, violent oral sex, or, on a good day, statuatory rape. But nope -- they continue to use term "child abuse," as if we withheld their chocolate pudding.

So keep strong and stay hard. We are still in control here. We abuse the media too you see.

Words don't come easy.

A gift from god.

Read it and sleep.

Yes, sleep well my priestly brethren. The lowly laws of ordinary people can not touch us. We are our own law. We do as we please. Remember, our law comes from a higher order. And a lower one -- wink, wink.

(click on image to enlarge)

Teen Spirit. Pastor loved one of his flock deeply. And is being punished for it!

STORY >>

Another travesty of justice. Lovin' is what religion is all about. But to be honest, my friend Jan-Mikkel went about this the wrong way. I keep saying over and over again, a teen can be mean. They can report you. They can be heard. They can be believed. Younger, younger, younger my friends.

Ex-youth pastor sentenced to prison for sex with teenage parishioner

NEW PHILADELPHIA As the judge commented that the depth of trust is equivalent to the depth of betrayal, a former youth pastor was sentenced Wednesday to five years in prison for a sexual relationship with a teenage girl attending his church.

Jan-Mikkel Jasper, 36, who is known as Mikkel Jasper, was charged with one count of sexual battery. The third-degree felony charge states that Jasper was a cleric, and the other person was a minor attending the church he served. He no longer is a pastor, nor associated with Alpine Bible Church near Sugarcreek... FULL STORY >>

Latter day ain'ts:

20-20 vision. REPORT: One is 20 priests are child abusers.

You gotta like those odds.

STORY >>


Image source: The Age.

Life begins at erection. Yes!! Even more Americans is smart people!

I love when we Abrahamic monotheists make you atheists out there look dumber and even more dumber and even a little more dumber than that.

U.S. Senate candidate from Nevada Richard Mourdock tells it like it is. It's god's will. And maybe that child will be a potential candidate for us priests... Well, you know how us priests think.

It happened at Little de-Flower. Church says Father Rolando Garcia is innocent until proven filthy.

STORY >>

Well, well. It's another case of he-said, he-said.

Are you a naughty priest Father Rolando Garcia? I'm there with you pal. But as I keep preaching -- get 'em while they're younger. 16? That's an old man in my eyes.


"A group of parents at a South Florida Catholic school are taking action after their parish priest was allowed to remain on the job following sexual abuse allegations.

Some parents at the St. Agatha Catholic Church and school in southwest Miami-Dade have banded together to try to get Father Rolando Garcia removed..."

Bold is beautiful: Father Rolando Garcia.

Dr. Leakey

Oh man, this guy asks good, hard questions of the supposedly great Richard Dawkins.

Dawkins can't even answer. So, Dr. smarty Dawkins, as man was being built from the inside out, how did we meet our basic needs? We waited millions of years just to spring a leak?

Man oh man, is evolution looking like a stupid theory now. Ready to come join us creationists now? Yes, come into the light. And come into the darkness too, wink, wink.


I'm not sure who this guy to the left is, but he's a bright guy who obviously has done his homework for this Dawkins interview. I wouldn't be surprised if he were educated in America. Yes, he's that smart.

Love of the Irish. Irish church authorities in slight delay in reporting sex abuse allegations.

Oh. Here we go again. More complaints about the church's inaction in response to sexual allegations. Come on now. We all procrastinate now and again. I know I do. Do you? So the Church of Ireland waited four months to make the appropriate reports to authorities. What's the Mchurry?

Catholic Church delayed reporting child sex abuse allegations to authorities.

CHURCH authorities in Ireland took almost four months to report allegations of child sex abuse despite new guidelines that incidents should be immediately reported to gardai and the HSE.

A HSE report published today says just 15pc of all cases were reported to gardai and health chiefs “with immediacy” or within three days, and that dioceses “misinterpreted” the guidelines which were introduced in 2009.

And it found that despite telling the HSE that all allegations received had been reported to gardai and health bosses, some dioceses had not passed on the information. STORY FROM IRELAND >>

Lots of Malachy? Irish church turns a blind eye. No way.

Sweet Sixteen. Saving Father Ryan. Father Lee Ryan of Illinois is loved, and he loved some back.

STORY >>

Canon rules baby. Canon rules!

Did I tell you? Did I. Your earthly laws are no match for the vatican.

A Joliet-area (Illinois) priest Rev. F. Lee Ryan was reinstated despite allegations of sexual abuse. Lee's parishioners wanted Rev. Ryan despite the fact that he may have had sex with a 14-year-old boy. But the relationship continued until he was sixteen. So, according to vatican canon law: NOT GUILTY!

This is real love. Real love. Go do some more god's work

"Bishop Conlon's spokesman told the Tribune that the Vatican cited Canon No. 2359 in the 1917 Code of Canon Law to explain why the priest was not found guilty of violating church law. The code stipulates that a cleric who violates the commandment forbidding adultery, by indecently touching a person under the age of 16, has committed a canonical crime.

Though the victim said a church official told him over the phone that age was the key issue, the diocese did not explain why the accuser's claim did not meet the criteria."

Rev. Ryan is happy as he learns love is a two-way street.

Going Greek. Greek Orthodox Priest Pleads Guilty To Attempted Rape.

That's it father Patrick Nicholas Hughes, let it all out.

I must say: I don't like this trend I'm seeing. Priests getting caught and sentenced! What's going on here?! We are priests. We are men of the cloth. Authorities take note: we are above your earthly laws. Stop this nonsense of finding, prosecuting, and sentencing these good men or be warned -- the wrath of god be upon you. What's next? Working your way up our chain of command to find the facts. God forbid.

So police, go solve some real crimes. We clergy is good people.

"Greek Orthodox Priest Pleads Guilty To Attempted Rape, Sentenced To 6 Years.
Hughes admitted to posting an Internet ad for "taboo sex with no age restrictions" when he tried to solicit two boys, ages 9 and 14, for sex." STORY >>

Cardinal Sin. "Australia's Cardinal George Pell drawn into church's sex inquiry." PLUS MUST SEE training lesson for all my clergy colleagues. VIDEO!

STORY FROM DOWN UNDER >>

Sure, we clergymen are smart people who have a direct line to god. We know everything about the universe, how it was created, what happens after death, and what's best for our flock. Except sometimes we conveniently know nothin'. We see nothin', nothin' I tell ya.

"Cardinal George Pell drawn into churches sex inquiry
"AUSTRALIA'S most powerful Catholic, Cardinal George Pell, was present when a boy raped by a Christian Brother described to another priest what happened, a parliamentary inquiry has been told..."

Let's grant Cardinal George Pell some slack.


And, as promised, today's training lesson for my clergy colleagues:

Brotherly Love! St. Paul Priest Charged with Abusing two Brothers + Child Porn

STORY >>

Oh brother, where art thou?

My poor colleague Curtis Carl Wehmeyer from St. Paul, Minnesota is in some trouble for doing some double lovin'. Oh, and a touch of child porn (only 15 counts).

But worry not my priestly colleagues: Curtis is currently out on bail. Will he bail? Remember, we will protect you Curtis. We will transfer you. We will promote you. Run to us.


"Prosecutors in Minnesota have added 17 counts of possession of child pornography to the case against a Minnestoa Catholic priest accused of molesting children.

"Curtis Carl Wehmeyer, 48, was already charged with three counts of criminal sexual conduct. According to the Ramsey County Attorney's Office, Curtis Carl Wehmeyer was charged with 15 counts of possession of child pornography.

"After conducting a forensic exam on a seized laptop, investigators found a number of 'still images and video clips depicting sex acts involving prepubescent males'."


Trust him with your lives. And your small children.

More america is smart people! U.S. House Committee on Science, Space and Technology member: big bang is a lie from hell.

"U.S. Representative Paul Broun, Georgia Republican who sits on the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology.: 'God’s word is true. I’ve come to understand that. All that stuff I was taught about evolution and embryology and Big Bang theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of hell. And it’s lies to try to keep me and all the folks who are taught that from understanding that they need a savior.'"

"Broun also said that he believes the Earth is about 9,000 years old and that it was made in six days. Those beliefs are held by fundamentalist Christians who believe the creation accounts in the Bible to be literally true."

There are time at night, as I hold a small boy in my arms, when I think America has no future. But then a man such as Rep. Paul Broun comes along and gives me hope. Thank you U.S. Representative Broun. And speaking of big bangs...

Oh my deer! Tell it like it is Georgia Republican Paul Broun.


See. Georgia ain't no backward place. Deliver us from evil, Brother Paul.

Bi-sickle. In India, two women branded as witches are hacked to death with sickle.

STORY >>

This is horrible. You see, this is why Christianity is better: we know how to properly kill witches. Witches are supposed to be burned, not hacked. How backwards.

"VADODARA: Two elderly women were brutally murdered by a man in a village in Halol taluka of Panchmahal district.

The accused suspected that the women were evil spirits and had caused losses to him and hence took the extreme step..."

FUBAR! Is society really this fuqua'd up? Republican candidate Fuqua endorses death penalty for rebellious children.

Well, you know I have better thoughts of what to do with bad little boys. But hey, who says we can't do both? You can have your cake and eat it too! So forget timeouts. Let's rape and kill!

And be prepared for the closed-minded, liberal-controlled media to call this a bad idea.

"Meet Charlie Fuqua, the U.S. Republican politician who wants rebellious kids executed:"

STORY >>

"CITING the Bible as his inspiration for ridding the good ol’ US of A of bothersome sprogs, Charlie Fuqua, Republican candidate for the Arkansas House of Representatives, believes a process could be set up to allow for the introduction of the death penalty for “rebellious children...”

Republican Charlie Fuqua. Who needs sharia law with ideas this fuqua'n good?

A Victory of Love.

"Victory Christian Center (Tulsa, Oklahoma) is a church of love, acceptance and forgiveness for people of all denominations, races and ..."

...and forgiveness of in-house rapists?

STORY LINK >>



Are you shocked by this story? I know I am. A 13-year-old girl. Raped. Silenced. What's going on here? Were there no younger children there? No boys? We priests need to show you pastors the light.

Oklahoma: Suspended Church Workers Will Return

"Five suspended employees of a Tulsa megachurch who were accused of waiting more than two weeks to report rape allegations by a 13-year-old girl will return to the ministry by the end of the month with different responsibilities, church leaders said. The pastor, Bruce Edwards, made the announcement during weekend services at the Victory Christian Center, a 17,000-member worldwide ministry. Prosecutors say that the girl told employees in mid-August that she had been raped in a stairwell on the church’s campus, but that the police were not informed until Aug. 30, after church officials said they did their own investigation."

A temple of love:

this week in baseball

When god closes a door...

Ohio priest sentenced to six years for sex crimes >>

Former Somerville priest charged with allegedly abusing teen over 10-year period >>


he opens a window...
Elderly sex offender priest to be released from prison on Thanksgiving >>

Yes, two in, one out. That's just the way I like it :)

Falling down. The Step-fall Wives. Pastor rewards two wives with early heaven entry.

STORY >>
NEWS VIDEO

This is terrible. Scandalous. A horrible thing indeed. A pastor killing two wives and having affairs with members of his congregation gets caught. You should have learned from us pastor. Remember, we catholics don't get caught. So that was your first mistake.

Second of all, get 'em while they're young, not old. The authorities never really do much when you rape small children, even driving them to suicide. And the pope, at worst, might re-assign you to some cushy job with a promotion.

But worry not retired Pennsylvania pastor Arthur "A.B." Schirmer: prison is made for guys like us.

Yup. God works in a mysterious haze.

Retired pastor AB Schirmer: Divorce, American style


But here's a gift from me to your defense, team:
"Good people of the jury, Americans fall down stairs all the time:"

Ivory Tower. Monsignor Cristobal Garcia: an altar boy “not only seduced me, he also raped me.”

“...Priest probed.” Funny headline.

STORY: "Cebu priest probed over 'child abuse' " >>

Monsignor Cristobal Garcia: an altar boy “not only seduced me, he also raped me.”

So, who is the real victim here? Open your eyes people: we priests are just getting bad press. You tempt us with your children, then you blame us. You are the drug dealers. You are the pushers. And look what happened to my friend, Monsignor Garcia. Seduced, raped, and then his good name gets dragged through the mud. He was even mildly scolded by the pope (for getting caught).

Down under: Victoria's secret.

STORY from Australia >>

"Up to 10,000 children may have been abused in Victoria alone..."

Oh, stop your whining and grab a Foster's and a vegemite sandwich. "Victims." Yea, sure. Readers of this blog realise the truth which includes the following:

1) This is just friendship taken to a different level
2) They were asking for it
3) Children are meant to be shared
4) It was god's will

"Are you trying to tempt me
Because I come from the land of plenty?"

Remember, you already knew that men plunder and chunder. So don't act surprised.




Who can it be? It's a man who's come to take you away... you bad boy.

Yield thy children...

The three finger pledge.

LA TIMES STORY >>

This will make for some good reading: 50 years of sexual abuse in the boy scouts.


My Dear Priestly Colleagues,

I write to you regarding this most grave matter: we are not alone.

While I understand and can even appreciate the need for competition in any endeavor, we have to find ways to re-establish our god-given right to be the first organization that comes to mind when it comes to loving small children. Loving them deeply indeed.

We must not let our lead slip, nor our tongues.

a religion of pieces

"It appears to have a deeply cynical purpose: to denigrate a great religion and to provoke rage." Hilary Clinton, September 13, 2012

"The face of terror is not the true faith of Islam. That's not what Islam is all about. Islam is peace." President George W. Bush, September 17, 2001

Religion is beautiful. Just listen to our leaders. Ignore the video below: anybody could have an off day having woken up on the wrong side of bed.

Religion is beautiful...

9-11. It's god's day.

Celebrate the greatness and genius of god and all has done. He teaches us lessons when we need it most. Thank you god for what you did 11 years ago this day. I know that there are heathens out there that don't appreciate your work. But I understand that your way is greater than ours.

Pass the plate. Sharing is caring as this priest shares his boy toy.

STORY >>

Oh Rev. Charles Engelhardt, you are a true Christian. A real Catholic. You give until it hurts.

The Rev. Charles Engelhardt, 65, and ex-teacher Bernard Shero, 49, have pleaded not guilty to charges they raped Avery's victim.

The case is expected to hinge on the credibility of the accuser, a troubled 24-year-old policeman's son who said the three men passed him around for sexual gratification, starting when he was 10 years old. He alleges that Engelhardt abused him first, and told Avery, who then demanded his own "sessions'' with the boy in the church sacristy at St. Jerome's in northeast Philadelphia.

Off the beaten path: go east.

My wise Baptist friend, Pat Robertson, is more eclectic than he is given credit for.

What is wrong with society these days when a man can't beat his woman? For some reason, it's no longer condoned. It's a left-wing conspiracy I tells ya. So, here's some sound advice from Pat: go east where a man can beat it:

Give me the child...

...and I'll give you the hand.

Actually this kid is too old, ugly and stupid, even for me. God has punished you, son, with acne and bad eyesight and I know why: you didn't service your local clergyman as commanded. But there is still time for you re-repent. Send your little brother this way. And he better pray good.




On second thought, now I understand why you're wearing those glasses. Nice disguise though:

America is smart people.

Whew, thank god educators such as these exist. My children, you will help us create a great America full of beautiful educated boys and girls. Just don't make them too smart (wink, wink).

Dr. Menton: I agree completely with you that mooslums don't believe in the nonsense of evolution. Game, set, match my friends. Creationism wins this one hands down.

And speaking of hands down...

Finn-ished

STORY >>


Man, we here at the religious establishment got the legal system in our pockets. Child rape and pornography. Lewd behavior with minors. Ruining lives. What do we guys get: two years of court-supervised probation.

We've got the legal system in the palm of our hands. Among other things ;)

Congrats Bishop Robert Finn. You've done nothing wrong in not reporting pedophilea. Remember what our friend Father Benedict Groeschel said recently: they were asking for it. Or what our Irish buddy said: it's just friendship gone a bit too far.

Y6K problem.

As a devout clergyman, I like my Earth and my boys young.

Here we have another intelligent U.S. politician not afraid to tell it like it is. She's as bright as any of the 6000 year-old stars in the sky. Give them heathen politicians hell my lady.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_G9iOgjQ96o

Friends with benefits.

STORY from Ireland ...

‘a friendship that crossed a boundary’

That's one sharp Irish bishop who used the line above. I'll borrow that if you don't mind. "Friendship." Genius. Absolute evil genius.

Being a member of this beautiful religion is like having a license to thrill (myself). I love religion. This is just too good to be true.

Getting laid?

Choke on this atheists and war heros.

Hello my monotheistic bretheren. I love what you're doing out there. I raise my hat to thee. Give 'em hell. By the way, what's your son doing after this worth-while rally? If you like, I can teach him a thing or two about getting to his knees to pray.

Warm and cozy. Thank god for making some of us Americans so smart.

I don't know much abut this Congressman John Shimkus, but I you've gotta love him. He's smart as a whip. God, please give America more leaders like this. Oh, and speaking of whips, please give us some more small boys.

They were asking for it

Father Benedict Groeschel, American Friar, Claims Teens Seduce Priests In Some Sex Abuse Cases

In a recent interview with the National Catholic Register, Father Benedict Groeschel, of the conservative Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, said that teens act as seducers in some sexual abuse cases involving priests.

"People have this picture in their minds of a person planning to — a psychopath," Groeschel said. "But that’s not the case. Suppose you have a man having a nervous breakdown, and a youngster comes after him. A lot of the cases, the youngster — 14, 16, 18 — is the seducer."

FULL STORY >>


Finally, someone tells it like it is. Thank you father. Thank you.

You see. Don't blame us. You know you wanted it. In fact, you were asking for it.


Sniff, sniff. You are a great man supporting a great religion father. Now let's get some of them young'uns this way. We know what they want.

Catholics Come Home (No Pun Intended?).

Oh Dear Mr. Maher,

Don't you realize that every profession has its own perquisites. You have your vices, and we have ours. Let's just leave it at that...